The Forty Sixth
by Purple.H
Summary: 65 hours Since Narada's destruction. The crew are exhausted, Leonard can't help feeling guilty for not supporting his friend during the attack. But in his effort to try and support him he does the opposite. Can he turn it round and offer the comfort that Jim really needs?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Dear all you lovely readers out there. This is my first attempt at Star Trek:2009, I hope you like it. I am always looking to improve my writing style so please tell me what you liked and anything that you think I should re-work. **

**This story was born out of my interest in Jim and Bones' relationship during the first movie. Bones reaction to Jim's behaviour is hardly supportive, but rather Bones seems to be trying to protect Jim from himself. I wanted to explore how Bones feels about his behaviour towards Jim after the event. This is a two part story, I hope you enjoy. Thanks. **

**The Forty Sixth**

He looked awful. The usually bouncy, flamboyant, twenty five year old, was now replaced by a serious, haggard looking shadow of his former self. His blue eyes had dimmed and were framed by dark puffy circles, betraying the many days of running after problems. His clothes were dirty, and ripped in places. A faint smell of slate sweat, dried blood and oil hung around in the air around him. Leonard McCoy silently cursed himself for not seeking out his friend earlier in their return journey. How many times was he going to fail his friend on this trip?

Leonard was exhausted, although he had managed some hours of sleep here and there. He had a full patient load of the continuous flow of walking wounded and inpatients. What didn't help was that he was the only surviving qualified doctor onboard having not been on deck 6 at the time of the first attack from Narada. He was left with only medical students and nurses, which forced him ultimately to make the final medical decisions for the entire ship.

He had only heard snippets of news about their journey home, as the only time that he had escaped sickbay was to sleep. He'd heard the occasional ship wide broadcasts or the latest issue from a chatty patient, but from what he'd heard it didn't sound like a picnic, and looking at his friend confirmed it.

"Dr McCoy, how's Captain Pike? Spock said that he was strong enough for visitors." The bland voice encased in fatigue and the sudden formality did not sit right on the usual vivacious cadet. It sent cold wave of concern down the doctor's spine.

He had known that Jim had been banged around a bit and had the facial contusions to prove it. However, even through the tiredness, Leonard could see Jim had changed since taking post as acting captain. Seeing Jim so focused and mature was enough to shake him to the core, a little pride warmed his heart. Although his eyes didn't deviate from the clinical study he now made of Kirk, and he didn't like the results. It was clear that he was a little more than banged up. He cursed himself, not only had he failed to support Jim on their crazy trip, but he now had failed him as a CMO. Professionally he should have made sure that both Spock and Acting Captain Kirk where fit for duty when they returned from the Narada. As well as personally, he should have made time to speak to him after they had escaped the blackhole, check he was okay. After all Jim had just buried his father's killer.

He pulled himself out of his seat to meet his friend, tired joints and muscles protesting at the motion. "I had to keep him under for a bit longer than expected in order to ensure the temporary repair to his spine was secure." Leonard paused. "He's been awake and catching up on the ships logs, but I think that he wants to hear it from you." Leonard watched the young man digest the information.

"Sure, where is he?" his friend asked before quickly stepping around the Doctor.

"Whoa!" Leonard reacted quickly, grabbing his friends arm. "You aren't going in there looking like that! Those clothes are filthy and that's just the tip of a very, large, iceberg!"

"Bones, let go!" he warned. "I don't have time for this!" his tiredness shortening his temper as he tried to pull away.

"Make time!" Bones growled determinedly and dragged his friend to what would have been Dr Puri's office, not allowing Jim's tired brain time to process what he was doing before the office door was closed and Leonard had pushed Jim into a seat. The office was a mess, quite literally a bomb site, not that either man paid any attention to the stark damage where one of their own had been killed. "Bones for godsake! I've g-"

"Jim Kirk, I swear to god if you move one greasy hair out of that seat you won't know what's hit you and that's a promise!" He growled as he searched the draws of the desk for a medical tricorder. "Here's what is going to happen." He said placing the acquired item on the desktop. "First you are going to have a shower and put on some fresh clothes, then you are going to let me check you over and once I have finished you can go speak to Pike. Don't look at me like that – you stink!" He walked over to a door at the side typed in a quick code. "Hell, I am not even going to ask you when you last slept, as I am pretty sure that I don't wanna know!" he looked back at Kirk.

"Here, this is the back way into Dr Puri's quarters." He waved an arm into the entrance as the door slid open. "No one is in there as there is too damage, but is bathroom is functional." He looked back at Jim, who was looking at the other door like he was about to run for it. "Jim!" he said loudly pulling his friends attention back to him. "We would all be dead without you, the Federation would no longer exist if you hadn't come back for us. Give yourself 5 minutes. Get a shower, change into some clean clothes and I swear you will feel a thousand times better. Whatever Starfleet have got you doing to prove that you can run this ship, it can wait until you have taken a few moments to yourself, because trust me when I say that no one is going to take it away from you right now." The dim eyes looked up at his friend, conflict brewing behind his eyes. Suddenly, with a slight nod of his head the young, exhausted acting captain pulled himself out of the office chair and walked past his friend into the offered bathroom. "I'll be back with a change of clothes and some towels."

"Thanks Bones." He said as slowly started to pull off his boots next to the shower cubicle.

Five minutes later handful of clothes and towels freshly replicated in hand he returned to the Dr Puri's bathroom. "Jim I got your clothes." He said as he walked into the room. He hadn't expected to find Jim butt naked standing with his back to him at the sink cleaning his teeth. As a doctor and as a current member of Starfleet academy, nakedness was considered normal as privacy was always at a premium. However what shocked him was the tapestry of bruises and other injuries that covered his friend's body. From his lower right leg covered in red, purple and swollen skin to his throat, there didn't appear to be an untouched bit of flesh that didn't have some form of damage to it. He forced himself to drop the pile onto the cupboard next to the sink and retreat to the doorway to allow Jim some privacy.

"Thanks Bones. You were right."

"Course I was, Kid. About time you started listening to me!" He grunted in his usual fashion trying to hide his concern. Unabashed by his friend watching, Jim sat on the toilet and began to get dressed.

"So how's it really going down here?" His voice almost back its usual energy. "All I hear is the unemotional reports that you send up, how are you people holding up?" The acting captain asked pulling on a set of black boxers.

"We are sending out more than we receive. We are down to 10 inpatients that will most likely remain in sickbay until we get back to earth, Pike included. The Tech is mostly back online, but now our role is shifting, something I will need to talk to you about later actually, but it can wait for now." Jim looked up at him expectantly, as he struggled into his black uniform pants. "Mostly our customers are troubled sleep, call backs from minor injuries we haven't treat due lack of tech or injuries that crewmen have been carrying since the attack but left until everything quiets down. I have Uhura spreading the word that we are quiet so that people come and get treatment." The captain nodded.

"Good. Of those 10 will they all survive?"

"That's the hope." He took a deep breath, trying to avoid the true of the bad news he had to deliver. "But we will probably lose Crewman Croxson." Jim seemed to shrink back into himself.

"What's the current count?" he asked sharply avoiding the doctor's eyes.

Leonard crossed his arms subconsciously trying to protect himself from the painful topic. He knew what Jim meant; the body count. How many deaths had the Enterprise suffered, it was a painful number. He had witnessed only a few, but he would need to sign each of the death certificates before he could be released from duty aboard. Something he was not looking forward too.

"No change from the 45." He said softly, remembering the KIA or 'Killed In Action' category of medical stats report that his head nurse made him sign and send off each 24 hour period. The first time that he had to do it, he had forced himself to read each description on how the deaths had occurred, having been occupied by other critical cases; the ones he could save. He knew little of the fate of some of the unfortunate. It was an uncomfortable and occasionally gruesome read, not born out of morbid curiosity, but more his duty to souls he couldn't save. He owed it to them to understand what they had gone through in their final moments and acknowledge their deaths as people rather than just numbers.

Their eyes met, the horror and sadness struck so deeply in the expressive pools of blue that he recognised that he wasn't the only one who had taken the time. His friend nodded, blinked and stood up clearly trying to deflected his thoughts back onto the present. "Good." He breathed. "Make sure it stays that way." His voice grew stronger and more determined.

"Jim," Leonard started gently, he didn't want to give him false hope. "Croxson's a fighter, but short of growing him a new heart, I can't do anything for him; even if I did, I doubt he'd survive the surgery. If he makes it back to earth, he might live."

"Jesus Bones!" Jim spat out his exasperated twang. "We are a week away from Earth, are we just going to wait until he dies and say oh well, we did everything! The Enterprise has biomedical labs, techs and materials, what's stopping you?" Jim asked angrily as he looked up from gathering up his new black undershirt.

"Jim, we might have the right lab staff, but you know they are needed elsewhere, the labs are not on the priority for repair works. That's why you have ordered all spare hands to repairing and maintaining the fragile structure of the ship to ensure the life support functions for the 1300 other beings on this ship." He said firmly. "and you are right to make that call."

"Maybe I would have made a different one if I knew that a crewman would die as a result! You could have told me."

"Jim, I don't want to lose him either, but he has most likely has less than 10% chance of surviving to earth, and even when he gets there, the surgery is a major trauma for the body to cope with. I would say that his survival rate would only be around 40-50% at best."

"Bones-"

"Okay look, if I perform a successful heart transplant and assuming there are no post op complications his chances could go up to 90%. However, currently in his condition the surgery would be very dangerous; his body is showing signs of shutting down. Assuming that I could grow that heart in a fully functional lab it takes at least 36 hours for the tissues and muscles to bind. At that point I suspect that his kidneys will have shut down, and from there on in, you're in a flat spin waiting for the other organs to fall like dominos." He ran his hand through his hair. "Also, I don't have enough hands as it is and we are still running on emergency power generators in here. Half of the surgical stores where destroyed and I don't want to –" he stopped and looked away, re-thinking how to tell his captain that morally they should do everything to save the crewman, but practically and utilitarianally they shouldn't waste their little resources on a small chance to save one when they should be devoting time to save 'the many'. This was why he didn't want this discussion and burden his friend with another brutal decision.

"To waste supplies and time on a very small chance." Jim finished grimly for him as he turned away from his Georgian friend.

"Yeah."

"You should have told me." He said angrily, painfully pulling the t-shirt over his head, Leonard swallowed. How many times was he going to causally underestimate his friend in this trip he asked himself. Jim was right, he should have told him. As CMO it was his decision how best to use medical supplies, equipment and crew, but the captain could reallocate science department resources how he wished. "You should have _trusted _me enough to allow me to make the decision of resources." He growled pointedly.

"A lot has happened in a short few days." he sighed, "Jim..." he breathed crossing his arms again and leaned on the doorframe. "I'm sorry; I should have supported you on the bridge after Spock... stood down" He met friend's eyes and the starship captain that he had become looked back, none of the arrogant brashness that had so often got it the way of being taken seriously. "But the other times, I.."

"No one needs yes men, Bones." He cut Leonard off. For a moment neither man moved. Jim had surprised him again with his acceptance and understanding, at Leonard's behaviour and even granting permission for Leonard to question Jim's actions in the future. "The other times, you were being a friend. I know you were just trying to protect me." Leonard nodded curtly. He was glad he didn't have to explain that.

"I've already sent off Croxson's chart to Stafleet Medical they are doing what they can now." He said drawing a line under the issue. Jim nodded his acceptance, albeit unhappily. "Maybe they can send a ship to us with more staff and equipment." He said turning away to collect the tricorder from the other room.

"They can't. They haven't got anything left. Admiral Bennett told us that we were the closest ship they have to earth at the moment. We are on our own." Leonard swallowed, the enormity of what Jim had said, just the amount of loss of life that Starfleet would have suffered, not to mention capability. He switched on the tricorder and began scanning Jim. "The main fleet isn't coming back; most of them are staying where they are however some are being reassigned to patrol the border of Klingon and Romlulan space to deal with any potential threats from either Empire's taking the opportunity while the Federation is weak. We are what is left to protect earth so we are heading straight back there." The tricorder let out a small beep to confirm completion of Jim's scan, he didn't like the results. Leonard sighed it was worst than he had hoped.

"Jim, you're going to have to wait for about 24 hours before talking to Pike."

"Why?!"

"Because you need a pretty heavy course of antibiotics for a bacterial infection you've picked up in your right leg, among other treatments you require!" He glared at his friend. "Until that's cleared up, you can't go anyway near Pike in case that you pass it on to him." He sighed again. Some things change, others don't, shaking his head at Jim's causal disrespect for his own health. "What were you waiting for? It to fall off?" he growled as he grabbed the younger man and pulled him out of the room. "Moron!"

Thanks for reading, I hope to have the next chapter up in the next couple of days.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Forty Sixth**

Chapter Two

"Jen, has the captain slept at all since he came in?" The doctor asked as he scrubbed his prickly face, trying to wake up after the couple hours sleep he had managed on the sofa in Puri's office.

"Pike or Kirk?"

"Kirk."

"I don't think so sir. I think he tired but," She picked up a PADD pulling up his chart and handing it to him. "He's talking to the Chief Engineer and First Officer now. He mentioned something about getting one of the labs back online." She pointed to the single room at the end of the sickbay.

"I bet he did! Damn it, Jim!" he stalked to the back of sickbay and stormed into the room."This sickbay is not a conference centre Jim! I told you to sleep!" he ranted, ignoring the other two senior officers in the room. "Something that you quite clearly have had precious little of and I wasn't kidding when I said your body needs it too heal!" he glared at Kirk who was reclined nonchalantly on the bed with his right leg raised on a pillow and smeared with white antibiotic cream. It was the only injury that he hadn't healed up as the infection needed to be cleared up first.

"Doctor, I apologise. I was unaware of your instructions to the captain."

"Not your fault Spock. This moron wasn't going to tell you." He hadn't taken his eyes off the acting captain since he walked in. He didn't need the monitors to tell him that Jim was on the last of his energy, as his pale complexion and fine tremors in his hands did that for him.

"Doctor I hardly think-" Spock began only for Scotty to cut him off.

"Ack, Mr Spock I think that's our cue to leave." Scotty said looking between the Doctor and his charge. "Come now Commander, we have what we need for now. Sweet dreams, captain." The Scottish engineer said with a playful wink as they left the room.

"Do I need to explain accelerated healing to you again?" Leonard burst as the door closed. "Or have you somehow gained a concussion since we spoke and therefore can't understand my instructions?"

"Bones for godsake, calm down it's been 3 hours!" Jim argued weakly, avoiding his friend's eyes.

"And in another 3 hours you are likely to be in a coma!" he shouted angrily at his drawn patient, gesticulating wildly, PADD in hand. "With the amount of damage I just fixed, I have just pushed your body into healing frenzy, your cell division and blood nutrient transfer has increased exponentially! Your body has just done what should have taken 2 weeks in 2 hours, why the hell do you think that you're on nutrient therapy?" He pointed at the IV fluid. "You were already overtired when you came in, your body needs sleep to recharge itself." He took a calming breath. "If you cannot achieve that by naturally, I will have to it chemically – which at this stage is not without risk!"

"Bones, seriously that's a bit overkill!" He tried to appear unconcerned, and if Leonard had been anyone else they would have bought it, Leonard knew Jim and he knew he hated being drugged.

"No Jim it isn't." He pinched his nose. "I'm sorry but you got to sleep, one way or the other." He sank into a hard plastic chair to the side of the bed. "What's going to be Jim?" he asked sympathetically, studying his friend features. A silence drifted between them as Jim looked away from the doctor.

The silence stretched as Leonard allowed Jim the space to think. "Jim..." Leonard began when the silence continued into minutes.

"I see him." Jim said finally, as he looks unseeingly at a patch of wall. "Every time I close my eyes." He swallowed still looking at the wall. "I don't want to look at him right now. I don't want to hear him tell me that he's proud of me. I don't want to hear that I'm a Kirk, I don't want to dream of the life that I could have had or should have had." He sighs and pulls himself under control, scrubbing his face trying to wipe away the emotion. "Anyway, you get the picture." He voice strong. "I don't want to dream Bones."

"Okay." Bones breathed. So desperately he wanted to talk it through with Jim, but now wasn't time, he needed sleep. Maybe when he woke up they would get drunk. "I'll be back in a minute." he slipped out the room quickly.

As promised he returned quickly, carrying a hypo. "This will allow you about 4 hours dreamless sleep." He held it up in front of his patient. "After it wears off I am not going to wake you up, but I'll be right here if I think you need waking, Deal?"

"Okay." Jim nods with a brief tint of a smile. "Just one thing you've got to promise me, Bones." He held up his hand pausing the doctor's advance with the medication. "If Scotty gets that lab functional, you'll try." Bones saw the desperation in Jim's eyes to save Crewman Croxson. "46 is one too many." He whispered.

"I make no promises Jim, and I won't compromise patient care for the rest of the ship, but if there is a viable chance I will take it."

He nodded "good enough." The two friends looked at each other. No more words needing to be spoken for the understanding to be reached. Forgiveness, trust and loyalty no more, no less. Gently he placed the hypospray onto Jim's neck and released the contents. Heavy lids gently closed on blue irises for the first dreamless sleep since it all began.

"I'm proud of you, Jim. You crazy bastard!" Bones whispered.

Leonard collapsed back into his chair. It was going to be a long day, he called up the nurses' station, to send in the on shift med students. They were about to get a crash course in heart transplant surgery. Because if Scotty's team could get the damaged lab running, he was going to need some help.

End.

A/N: thank you for reading, I hoped you enjoyed it. As I mentioned before, please let me know what you liked or didn't like so that I can improve my writing skill for the next story. Thank you.


End file.
